How to boost intimacy, confidence in marriage
Usually, when new acquaintances go out on a date, they tend to put up their best appearances and behaviours to create a lasting pleasant impression in the mind of the other person. Thus, people try so hard, including eating moderately before the day, to avoid anything that could be untoward or paint them in bad light.
This was Mrs. Seun Omoyemi’s understanding before she went out to meet her friend-turned-husband on their first date. Barely few minutes into their discussion, as they relived their journey through their first phone conversation to their eventual meeting, she said she was feeling pressed to fart but she kept managing it until it became unbearable.
She recalled that she carefully leaned on one side of her butt, gave an enticing smile and applied a little pressure to give way to the gas (hot air) silently when in the middle of the ‘release’ she suddenly heard a loud sound that shook the sofa they both sat on. Simply put, she farted, and loudly too.
“Unconsciously, I screamed ‘Yeeh’,” she said. “I wish the ground would just open and swallow me right there. I didn’t know whether to apologise, dismiss it, smile or run away. I felt embarrassed, humiliated and humbled. It was our first date and that was the last thing that should happen, but it did.
“I apologised to him and told him it was because of what I ate the previous night, and he simply said it wasn’t a big deal. I struggled to keep it off my mind throughout our conversation but it kept coming and I felt so ashamed. In fact, when I needed to laugh, I had to do it carefully so he wouldn’t feel like I didn’t care or so another one wouldn’t come out. It marred my day, because I felt stupid. I kept thinking about it several days after it happened.
“I won’t forget that experience but now it’s one of the things we joke about. It has become a subject of teasing between us and we laugh about it. Since we got married, he has done same in my presence many times and I have done mine repeatedly too and it’s interesting because we laugh about it.”
Omoyemi notes that both of them now compete about whose fart would be the loudest. “Anytime we eat beans, it often leads to competition between us. It’s hilarious. It sounds crazy but that is one of the things that have kept us together and sincerely, it brings a feeling of closeness, openness and genuine intimacy. To us, there is nothing to be ashamed of,” she added.
Interestingly, every living human being farts but it seems nobody does it with pride in the presence of others. People could dramatise with it, close their eyes and make sure the sound reverberates when alone, depending on the pressure applied, but in the presence of others, it seems like a weird thing to talk about or an awkward thing to do.
People tend to adjust, lean on one side of their butts, squeeze or give a strange smile to divert attention and give ‘it’ a safe passage or even take a walk from where people are just to do it to avoid the perceived shame, and it is one thing that comes out many times a day.
Even among some couples who have lived together for years, it seems like a dreaded topic. Apart from the smell, which is often influenced by the kind of food consumed, suffice it to say everything about it detests publicity but harbours secrecy.
Discussing it, even though seen as unpleasant, could also evoke laughter while some people have argued that it has no home, unlike pee and poop, thus, it comes out at will, unless when controlled. In fact, findings showed that farts that are withheld often find their way out when the person is asleep.
Due to people’s perception of it and in a bid to make it sound less disgusting, people have given it series of names, including mess, release, pollute the air, break the internet, or break the wind, which is seen as a more polite way of expressing it. Regardless of the colouration, everybody farts, including men, women, young, old, beautiful and ugly and the smell is not always pleasant mainly due to the sulphur content.
It is interesting to note that as much as people shy away from it, some studies have shown that doing such (perceived)unpleasant things, like farting, in the presence of a partner could enhance couples’ intimacy, boost their sex lives and ultimately make their marriage last longer.
“When you are able to fart loudly or do such things in the presence of your spouse, then you have assumed a remarkable level of openness, confidence and intimacy,” one of the studies said. It adds, “It doesn’t mean you have to be uncivilised about it, but you should be able to do it in the presence of the person without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
“It is understandable that if you have that level of openness and intimacy, you have nothing to hide and so your marriage would be better for it.”
Tunde Ajaja
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